the emotionally and spiritually healthy pastor – a look at Christian tradition

•August 1, 2013 • Leave a Comment

How do you respond to the question “How are you?” as a pastor.  The 16th century Reformer (albeit in Spain!) and “monastery planter” St. John of the Cross once responded, “I am well, but my soul lags behind.” 

 Is that true of you?  

How are you?  Think carefully about your answer.

I’ve often heard from church planters, pastors, and seminary students about the “good old days” of pastoral ministry – the days when pastors weren’t “under fire” as they seem to be today.  One pastor once said to me, “It’s not as sexy being a pastor nowadays. Pastors back then were rock stars.”  (Maybe he hadn’t watched a Mark Driscoll sermon).

I’ve often told pastors like this about the ancient practice of curam animarum. The care of souls.  It hearkens back to a day when we, pastors, were in fact viewed as heroes to many, a day when pastors would stroll the countryside checking in on members of their small parish, a day when our pastoral integrity seemed assumed rather than scoffed at, as it might be today. 

We see a picture of that idyllic pastor in the words of Chaucer in Canterbury Tales (lines 348-352, LLE, p. 41, 1386-90 quoted by Thomas Oden) writing about that “good man of religion” who imitates the Good Shepherd.  Chaucer writes

                  His cure was wide, with houses far asunder;

                  But never did he fail, in rain or thunder,

                  In sickness and in mischance, to visit all,

                  The furthest in his parish, great or small,

                  Upon his feet, with staff in hand for aid. 

It’s that glorious picture of ministry that every young and idealistic seminary student aspires to.  But never did he fail, in rain or thunder, to visit all!  The motto for pastors – and mailmen, I’d assume!  And we know that both are known for their emotional stability!  

We know about the cure of souls not just in visits, but in letters – the letters of Samuel Rutherford and John Calvin, George Whitfield and Francois Fenelon, Charles Spurgeon or Gerard Manley Hopkins.

But in many of these letters, we find something remarkably self-revelatory.  We find that our favorite pastors didn’t idealize themselves, as we often idealize them.  In fact, we find them answering the question, “How are you?”  And with remarkable honesty.

We see a struggling Samuel Rutherford (the great 17th century pastor, writer, and Scottish representative at the Westminster Assembly) writing to Marion M’Naught, a wise old saint in his parish who received some of his most personal correspondences. There is no sense that he has to be the driven, impervious superhero pastor.  She was a such a safe soul that Rutherford could write to her, “My wife’s disease increases daily.  She does not sleep, but cries like a woman giving birth.” Or, in another letter:  “My life is bitter.  It is hard to keep sight of God in a storm.” 

This vulnerability, let alone to a person of the opposite sex, might be scoffed at today, viewed as inappropriate.  And yet, Rutherford’s Letters reveal his personal struggles in every page, shared with friends – both male and female – within his congregation.  Rutherford did not see his struggles as weakness, but as the means to deepening prayer and spiritual and emotional maturity.  

We also hear Charles Spurgeon speak of the physical and emotional ailments that kept him out of the pulpit a third of the time during his final 22 years in ministry according to Iain Murray:

“My spirits were sunken so low that I could weep by the hour like a child, and yet I knew not what I wept for (Darrel W. Amundsen, “The Anguish and Agonies of Charles Spurgeon,” in: Christian History, Issue 29, Volume X, No. 1,, page 25).

“Causeless depression cannot be reasoned with, nor can David’s harp charm it away by sweet discoursings. As well fight with the mist as with this shapeless, undefinable, yet all-beclouding hopelessness … The iron bolt which so mysteriously fastens the door of hope and holds our spirits in gloomy prison, needs a heavenly hand to push it back” (Darrel W. Amundsen, “The Anguish and Agonies of Charles Spurgeon,” in: Christian History, Issue 29, Volume X, No. 1, page 24).

Spurgeon’s battle with depression is well-documented.  And even with such a vulnerable hero as this, I’ve seen 5 pastors commit suicide over the years during times of depression, unable to reveal to their congregation how deep the hurt went, afraid of being rejected, even fired.  

And who has not read and marveled at the self-revelatory nature of St. Augustine’s Confessions?  Augustine not only documents what today would be called “sexual addiction,” but lays out a very comprehensive case for personal self-examination. 

Of course, it’s stunning to hear such anguish from the voices of heroes.  They remind us that even the most gifted, the most articulate, and the most successful (translate: those whom we assume have no needs) need to practice spiritual and emotional self-care.  

Deitrich Bonhoeffer writes:

“Everyone who cares for the soul needs a person who will care for his or her own soul.  Only one who has been under spiritual care is able to exercise spiritual care.  Those who renounce that law will have to face the consequences in their work….Whoever takes the office seriously must cry out under the burden…Where can a pastor find rest or recollection for their work?  We have to recognize that there are mortal dangers for the office and for those who exercise it.  Even the responsible, serious, and faithful pastor may be driven to external or internal perplexity…In the end, perplexity leads to insensitivity.  The load is too heavy to bear alone.  We need someone who will help us use our powers in ministry correctly, someone who will defend us against our own lack of faith.  If the pastor has no one to offer him spiritual care, then he will have to seek someone out.” (Pastor as Mentor, 129).

However, there are many who doubt this wisdom, even viewing it as hyper-therapeutic.  I remember a conversation I once had with a faculty member at a Reformed seminary when he scoffed at the notion of pastoral self-care, calling it a modern, therapeutic idolatry of self, and challenging me to see “self” as the very problem.  

But in fact, what we see over and over is the paradox that an idolatry of self and a bitterness toward others is birthed in the soul of a pastor who fails to care for himself or herself.  In other words, the best way to love others is, in fact, to love yourself.  This is the motivation, I believe, for John Calvin’s important doctrine of double knowledge. 

The great wisdom of the past, even prior to the modern therapeutic era, was that a deep knowledge of our own spiritual poverty and need would open up new vistas of dependence on God and love for others.  Listen to just a few of the voices from church history:

“God, always the same, let me know myself, and let me know Thee.” St. Augustine

“The inward Christian prefers the care of himself before all other cares.  And he that diligently attends unto himself can easily keep silence concerning others.” Thomas a’ Kempis

“The practice of self-knowledge is the first thing on the road the knowledge of God.” St. John of the Cross

“There are some men and women who have lived forty or fifty years in the world and have had scarcely one hour’s discourse with their hearts all the while.” John Flavel, Presbyterian clergyman in mid-17th century, who wrote “Keeping the Heart.”

“Knowing God without knowing our wretchedness leads to pride.  Knowing ourselves without knowing God leads to despair.”  Blaise Pascal

“Until men know themselves better, they will care very little to know Christ at all.” John Owen in Communion with God

Richard Baxter, writing in the mid-17th century, penned one of the great works on pastoral self-knowledge and self-care.  In the often neglected work The Mischiefs of Self-Ignorance and the Benefits of Self-Acquaintance, Baxter writes, “The principal glass for the beholding of God is the soul beholding itself.”  He goes on to say that the self-ignorant Christian will fail in three ways – he cannot be a Christian, he cannot pray or give thanks adequately, and he cannot help himself or others grow to know God better. (And please pardon the male pronoun throughout…this, too, is a remnant of church tradition, and one happily passing…)

Listening in to these respected voices from our past, it is hard to argue against the importance of emotional and spiritual health for the pastor.  

I will elaborate on this more in my next post.  

 

 

the emotionally healthy pastor – a look at Christian tradition

•August 1, 2013 • Leave a Comment

How do you respond to the question “How are you?” as a pastor.  The 16th century Reformer (albeit in Spain!) and “monastery planter” St. John of the Cross once responded, “I am well, but my soul lags behind.” 

 Is that true of you?  

How are you?  Think carefully about your answer.

I’ve often heard from church planters, pastors, and seminary students about the “good old days” of pastoral ministry – the days when pastors weren’t “under fire” as they seem to be today.  One pastor once said to me, “It’s not as sexy being a pastor nowadays. Pastors back then were rock stars.”  (Maybe he hadn’t watched a Mark Driscoll sermon).

I’ve often told pastors like this about the ancient practice of curam animarum. The care of souls.  It hearkens back to a day when we, pastors, were in fact viewed as heroes to many, a day when pastors would stroll the countryside checking in on members of their small parish, a day when our pastoral integrity seemed assumed rather than scoffed at, as it might be today. 

We see a picture of that idyllic pastor in the words of Chaucer in Canterbury Tales (lines 348-352, LLE, p. 41, 1386-90 quoted by Thomas Oden) writing about that “good man of religion” who imitates the Good Shepherd.  Chaucer writes

                  His cure was wide, with houses far asunder;

                  But never did he fail, in rain or thunder,

                  In sickness and in mischance, to visit all,

                  The furthest in his parish, great or small,

                  Upon his feet, with staff in hand for aid. 

It’s that glorious picture of ministry that every young and idealistic seminary student aspires to.  But never did he fail, in rain or thunder, to visit all!  The motto for pastors – and mailmen, I’d assume!  And we know that both are known for their emotional stability!  

We know about the cure of souls not just in visits, but in letters – the letters of Samuel Rutherford and John Calvin, George Whitfield and Francois Fenelon, Charles Spurgeon or Gerard Manley Hopkins.

But in many of these letters, we find something remarkably self-revelatory.  We find that our favorite pastors didn’t idealize themselves, as we often idealize them.  In fact, we find them answering the question, “How are you?”  And with remarkable honesty.

We see a struggling Samuel Rutherford (the great 17th century pastor, writer, and Scottish representative at the Westminster Assembly) writing to Marion M’Naught, a wise old saint in his parish who received some of his most personal correspondences. There is no sense that he has to be the driven, impervious superhero pastor.  She was a such a safe soul that Rutherford could write to her, “My wife’s disease increases daily.  She does not sleep, but cries like a woman giving birth.” Or, in another letter:  “My life is bitter.  It is hard to keep sight of God in a storm.” 

This vulnerability, let alone to a person of the opposite sex, might be scoffed at today, viewed as inappropriate.  And yet, Rutherford’s Letters reveal his personal struggles in every page, shared with friends – both male and female – within his congregation.  Rutherford did not see his struggles as weakness, but as the means to deepening prayer and spiritual and emotional maturity.  

We also hear Charles Spurgeon speak of the physical and emotional ailments that kept him out of the pulpit a third of the time during his final 22 years in ministry according to Iain Murray:

“My spirits were sunken so low that I could weep by the hour like a child, and yet I knew not what I wept for (Darrel W. Amundsen, “The Anguish and Agonies of Charles Spurgeon,” in: Christian History, Issue 29, Volume X, No. 1,, page 25).

“Causeless depression cannot be reasoned with, nor can David’s harp charm it away by sweet discoursings. As well fight with the mist as with this shapeless, undefinable, yet all-beclouding hopelessness … The iron bolt which so mysteriously fastens the door of hope and holds our spirits in gloomy prison, needs a heavenly hand to push it back” (Darrel W. Amundsen, “The Anguish and Agonies of Charles Spurgeon,” in: Christian History, Issue 29, Volume X, No. 1, page 24).

Spurgeon’s battle with depression is well-documented.  And even with such a vulnerable hero as this, I’ve seen 5 pastors commit suicide over the years during times of depression, unable to reveal to their congregation how deep the hurt went, afraid of being rejected, even fired.  

And who has not read and marveled at the self-revelatory nature of St. Augustine’s Confessions?  Augustine not only documents what today would be called “sexual addiction,” but lays out a very comprehensive case for personal self-examination. 

Of course, it’s stunning to hear such anguish from the voices of heroes.  They remind us that even the most gifted, the most articulate, and the most successful (translate: those whom we assume have no needs) need to practice spiritual and emotional self-care.  

Deitrich Bonhoeffer writes:

“Everyone who cares for the soul needs a person who will care for his or her own soul.  Only one who has been under spiritual care is able to exercise spiritual care.  Those who renounce that law will have to face the consequences in their work….Whoever takes the office seriously must cry out under the burden…Where can a pastor find rest or recollection for their work?  We have to recognize that there are mortal dangers for the office and for those who exercise it.  Even the responsible, serious, and faithful pastor may be driven to external or internal perplexity…In the end, perplexity leads to insensitivity.  The load is too heavy to bear alone.  We need someone who will help us use our powers in ministry correctly, someone who will defend us against our own lack of faith.  If the pastor has no one to offer him spiritual care, then he will have to seek someone out.” (Pastor as Mentor, 129).

However, there are many who doubt this wisdom, even viewing it as hyper-therapeutic.  I remember a conversation I once had with a faculty member at a Reformed seminary when he scoffed at the notion of pastoral self-care, calling it a modern, therapeutic idolatry of self, and challenging me to see “self” as the very problem.  

But in fact, what we see over and over is the paradox that an idolatry of self and a bitterness toward others is birthed in the soul of a pastor who fails to care for himself or herself.  In other words, the best way to love others is, in fact, to love yourself.  This is the motivation, I believe, for John Calvin’s important doctrine of double knowledge. 

The great wisdom of the past, even prior to the modern therapeutic era, was that a deep knowledge of our own spiritual poverty and need would open up new vistas of dependence on God and love for others.  Listen to just a few of the voices from church history:

“God, always the same, let me know myself, and let me know Thee.” St. Augustine

“The inward Christian prefers the care of himself before all other cares.  And he that diligently attends unto himself can easily keep silence concerning others.” Thomas a’ Kempis

“The practice of self-knowledge is the first thing on the road the knowledge of God.” St. John of the Cross

“There are some men and women who have lived forty or fifty years in the world and have had scarcely one hour’s discourse with their hearts all the while.” John Flavel, Presbyterian clergyman in mid-17th century, who wrote “Keeping the Heart.”

“Knowing God without knowing our wretchedness leads to pride.  Knowing ourselves without knowing God leads to despair.”  Blaise Pascal

“Until men know themselves better, they will care very little to know Christ at all.” John Owen in Communion with God

Richard Baxter, writing in the mid-17th century, penned one of the great works on pastoral self-knowledge and self-care.  In the often neglected work The Mischiefs of Self-Ignorance and the Benefits of Self-Acquaintance, Baxter writes, “The principal glass for the beholding of God is the soul beholding itself.”  He goes on to say that the self-ignorant Christian will fail in three ways – he cannot be a Christian, he cannot pray or give thanks adequately, and he cannot help himself or others grow to know God better. (And please pardon the male pronoun throughout…this, too, is a remnant of church tradition, and one happily passing…)

Listening in to these respected voices from our past, it is hard to argue against the importance of emotional and spiritual health for the pastor.  

I will elaborate on this more in my next post.  

Old Site – Navigate to chuckdegroat.net

•June 7, 2013 • Leave a Comment

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•June 6, 2013 • Leave a Comment

Changes to come…

•August 19, 2010 • 2 Comments

Thanks to a gracious friend, the New Exodus site is undergoing a makeover, of sorts. I hope to keep posting regularly, but am also excited about the changes to come. Stay tuned, friends!

Love

•August 16, 2010 • 3 Comments

Isn’t it the case that the simplest things often get missed in our all-too-frequent attempts to be profound?

Consider love.  It’s the thing we, Christians, have the hardest time with.

It defines God, and yet we spend more time defending God’s right to be angry with people than His desire to love.

1 John 4:8 hits me square between the eyes.  Whoever does not love does not know God, for God is love. I know theology.  I know about God.  I know how to diagnosis emotional and relational disorders.  I know why my theology is right and yours is wrong.  All of these things can be studied and learned.

But I have great difficulty with love.

I suspect it takes a wisdom that comes with time.  It involves learning what love isn’t by hurting others and failing.  It takes seeing how wrong I am, even if or when I have my facts right.  It requires vulnerability.  It chooses to listen rather than to correct.  It means saying hard things with great humility, and overwhelming concern for the well-being of the other.  It is elusive, because when you think you’ve discovered love’s secret, you inevitably fail at it again.

Christians at their best have been known by their love.  They rescued newborn little girls from trash heaps in the first centuries of the church.  They became advocates for the poor and rejected.  They presented an alternative to the greed-and-power-driven.  They risked their lives to put the Bible into the hands of ordinary people.  They rejected distinctions of Hutu or Tutsi, Croat or Serb, Jew or German, choosing to stay and become a target.  Today, they abandon lucrative careers in law to join International Justice Mission in the fight against sex trafficking in Third World countries.  They start La’Arche and live among the mentally handicapped.  They stay in marriages with difficult people.  They own their failures with a kind of recklessness that defies our human tendency to self-protect and defend at any cost.

I know a lot of theology.  But do I know love?

40 at 40: Is our culture today really worse than it used to be?

•August 15, 2010 • 4 Comments

Many Christians like to reminisce about more noble times long ago.  They say things like:

“Our country was founded on Christians values.”

“Our culture is becoming worldly and evil.”

“The young people of today are so selfish and corrupt.”

Just the other day someone said to me, “I wonder what San Francisco was like before the sexual revolution.  It’s such a beautiful city.  Too bad it’s been so contaminated by people of low character.”

Hmmm.

It’s seems to me that the Bible is chock full of screwed up people.  Some of the great heroes of the faith include King David – an adulterer and conspirator to murder, King Solomon – a man who makes Tiger Woods look like “Pa” on Little House of the Prairie, Rahab – the prostitute, Tamar – the seductress, Peter – the power-happy betrayer, Paul – the murderer…and those are merely the biblical characters.  A brief look at the history of Christianity turns up an even more sordid array of questionable characters.

To the person who longs for a San Francisco prior to the Sexual Revolution, he will need to deal with the truth-twisting that comes with a narrative that ennobles the men who came in the late 1840’s searching for that great “American dream” of a new life.  Those same men, who we venerate as heroes and pioneers, left their families in search of the dream of wealth, but also found the need to fulfill their sexual dreams, too.  They ultimately paved the way for rampant prostitution and sexual exploitation of young Asian women, in particular.  Sometimes, we glorify the past and venerate the great heroes, but do we really believe they were any different than David and Solomon?

I heard a television personality bash President Obama the other day as a man who dares to call into question the great and noble history of our American nation.  Does it really help when we say, “How dare you question our country’s noble Christian history?”

Have we forgotten about original sin?  Are we really naïve enough to believe that sin suddenly escalated in the late 60’s and 70’s, and now finds its headquarters in Hollywood and San Francisco?

It’s time to go back and learn our history.  It’s time to read our Bibles.  And, perhaps more importantly, it’s time to look in the mirror.

40 at 40: We are multiple

•August 13, 2010 • Leave a Comment

Do you notice how we are prone to say “A part of me feels this way, and a part of me feels that way”?

Do you have times when you feel at harmony with God, the world and yourself – something contemplative have called a “unitive” experience?  And do you have other times where you feel as if you’re divided within, stumbling over yourself, acting in discord with yourself?

Have you ever done something stupid and said, “I’m not sure who did that.  It wasn’t me.”

Postmodern psychology has speculated on the idea that we are multiple, manifesting in different selves for every occasion.  I’m more persuaded that we are one and many, unity and multiplicity, particle and wave – in the image of our Trinitarian God.  In fact, I think it makes a lot of sense out of the confusion, disunity, and disharmony we feel within (and experience in our communities).

If you are curious and want to read more, check out these older blog posts:

https://drchuckdegroat.wordpress.com/2009/06/03/a-heart-divided-against-itself-cannot-stand-the-parts-we-play/

https://drchuckdegroat.wordpress.com/2009/12/08/the-habits-of-prison-the-tug-towards-home/

https://drchuckdegroat.wordpress.com/2009/10/21/wilderness-emergence/

40 at 40: Women on TV that I fell in love with in the 70’s and 80’s

•August 12, 2010 • 2 Comments

This may be the most profound writing I’ve ever done.

I don’t often look at how many blog hits I get.  But the biggest hits I got recently were from the 40 at 40 post “Books I wish I would have written but others have written (much!) better.” That got me thinking…what might top that?

How about TV girls I loved in the 70’s and 80’s?  This is far more compelling than a bunch of Christian books, right?  Plus, all of you who are my age can relate to the times when you mentioned an old TV show, and 25 year old friends looked at you blankly.  And I run the risk of more feedback from some of you who think this is territory a “pastor” shouldn’t stray in to.

Either way, help me prove that this kind of blog will NOT receive more hits than ones that I have written about suffering, spiritual growth, mission, or other topics by NOT re-tweeting, re-posting, or commenting.  This will assure that the world is a safe and decent place, filled with reflective people.

But, here we go:

Let’s do this as a Top 5:

At # 5 – Suzanne Somers from Three’s Company – Chrissy is who the other guys talked about, so I had to chime in too.  But, she lacked depth and characterization, something a 7-year old ought to know.

#4 – Pam from The Greatest American HeroConnie Sellecca – From 1981 to 1983, William Katt played Ralph Hinkley, perhaps the worst superhero ever to attempt to save humanity.  Pam saved the show.

#3 – Wonder Woman. Played by Lynda Carter, this superhero convinced all 7 year old boys that there really was an Amazon colony of women on Paradise Island located somewhere near Bermuda.

#2 – Stacy from TJ Hooker – Played by Heather Locklear,  Stacy showed that even though she was the Captain’s daughter, she was also a great police officer.  My sister said that her hair was “feathered,” whatever that means.

#1- Athena from Battlestar Galactica – Yes, sci-fi nerds, there was another Battlestar Galactica back in the 70’s, our television version of Star Wars.  And between the ages of 8 and 10, I became a fan not only of Apollo and Commander Adama, but of the beautiful Athena, my first love.  I include her picture to conclude this very deep and meaningful post:

40 at 40: We live in the future

•August 11, 2010 • 1 Comment

My friend Dave says “we live in the future.” He should know. He helps create it.  And I’m most proud of his wise reflection about it.

I believe Dave.

I did an entire Ph.D. in Psychology virtually. If I needed a book, it was in my snail mailbox the next day, or in my email within minutes as an e-book. I had access to every journal and article I needed via the John Hopkins University database. I didn’t step foot in a library once. And I completed the degree in 3 years all because I didn’t need to go anywhere. It all came to me.

A professor in seminary back in the mid-90’s told us that there would be a day very soon when we, the pastors, would no longer be the experts. He told us that people would sit in our congregations armed with information never before available. This new phenomenon called the internet, he argued, would land in the hands of ordinary people (much like the Bible landed in the hands of ordinary people courtesy of Martin Luther)…and it would be in their hands even as they sat in the pews. They’d look up those big Greek and Hebrew words we were using, and perhaps even question our use of them because of their instant access to online dictionaries, lexicons, and more.

It made no sense at the time.  But the future is now, Dave says.

Christians living in the past will likely react how many reacted when Luther galvanized the use of the printing press for the Gospel.  Change never comes without a fight.  But, the reality is that traditional ways of learning and living are dying.  The newspapers cannot give us information fast enough.  Seminaries cannot train pastors quick enough.  And phones…well, who wants a phone that merely allows you to hear another person when you can see them.  Intimacy, after all, is conveyed powerfully through eye contact.

But what technology cannot bestow to us is wisdom.  Wise practice is what changes people and civilizations.  And even wise practice is elusive.  Luther didn’t know that putting the Bible in the hands of the people might create deep division and biblical malpractice unlike anything the church had seen previously.  Wisdom, it seems, is not something instantly delivered.

The church, if it chooses, can live in the future.  Here’s a question for you and me to answer:  What will distinguish wise practice from malpractice?  Maybe I’ll see if Dave has some ideas…